2015-09-14: 8th annual Accordion Noir Festival accordion parade flashmob!

Ah, was it only a year ago that we logged our final appearance playing at the Accordion Noir Festival? How did we put it?

[T]his year marks ... the final AN Fest appearance of the Creaking Planks. Gasp! Shock! Say it ain’t so! [T]he programmers have spoken... (And who knows, maybe in time we can be brought back... But it won’t be in 2015.)

Well... what can we say? We're big, fat, lying liars. We saw this year's Sunday afternoon community event promoted with an accordion parade, and then got a fire lit under us when we were told that no one had organized one. But the location, Spartacus Books, so close to Trout Lake! All you need is two people (a small parade, granted, but one person alone is never a parade) to musically march one block and do a loop of the park. Surely we could round up two people in 48 hours!

Well, those 48 hours were a roller coaster ride, I can tell you. Squeezebox Circle luminaries confirmed their availability, then cancelled hours before the parade. Planks themselves boldly issued "yea"s which then somehow twisted cruelly into "nay"s. But having been announced, the show had to go on! So I strapped the baby accordion on my three-year-old and went to Spartacus Books to rendezvous with Daisy-Jones Locher, the only constant element in my hair-brained, last-minute cockamamie scheme.

There we found additional accordionists! Accordionists setting up raffle tables, adjusting stage lights, setting up video cameras... accordionists, otherwise put, unavailable to join us in our parade. But the hosts of the afternoon's fest program, the Kate & Rich duo from Halifax, were there early and opted to join us for strange kicks. (Just as well, I'd be lying if I said that our motivation was so very different.) A further ancillary accordionist loitering around the facility also followed suit, and we were off!

It's no sousaphone but... #eastvan pic.twitter.com/H8Nn1wCYVM

— Sara Bynoe (@sarabynoe) September 13, 2015

Without necessarily being a criticism, I feel confident in making the observation that the sunny Kate & Rich, likely highly lucrative on the busking circuit, may despite their affiliation with this festival this year, perhaps be the least Noir ensemble in existence. It didn't help that to lighten her load, Kate elected to play & promenade not on her regular 120-bass accordion, but the student model being offered as a raffle prize -- the one with no minor chord buttons. But we were so happy just to not be certifiably crazy weirdos out there all alone in the world (instead, crazy weirdos out there in a very small group in the world) that we tempered our planned park-circuit set (mostly klezmer) to suit the limitations of the instrument. But it sure made for an emotional roller coaster: we played "Creep", they countered with "You are my Sunshine"; we upped the ante with our G-rated rendition of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer", and they centred the mood back with "When the Saints Come Marching In". But our bizarre procession did garner some attention and drum up some interest in the imminent proceedings nearby at Spartacus -- notably, the final notes of Closer were recognized ("No freaking way!") by a park patron who was squatting a picnic table for a goth clothing swap.

OK, throwing together a last-minute accordion parade flashmob was stupid, what can I say. But also it was fun. (It was also, I think, the third most successful accordion parade in the festival's 8-year history, and this time no one had to play through garbage bags to keep their instruments from being drenched by a torrential downpour.)

Anyhow, thanks to the Accordion Noir Festival for waiving their prohibition of us, and thanks to Kate & Rich for mellowing our tartness with some sugar -- and thanks to all the goths out there, who have no choice but to be themselves in this world gone mad. Now, we have another announcement coming up for early October, so stay tuned!

2015-08-08: Eleven 88 Howe’s Party

If you live at 1188 Howe Street, you probably already know that your place of residence is presenting a block party this coming Saturday. If you live in the West End, you may not have known but this information may be of interest to you. If you don't live in the West End but could use an excuse to visit that lovable, walkable, urbanly dense neighbourhood, this could be just what you've been waiting for!

The festivities are divided up between four stages and other ancillary sites offering discounts and freebies. They're trying to bring about a Mr. Rogersian feeling of downright neighbourliness!

As for the performances, well, there are a bucketload! Throughout the event's runtime from 2-8 pm there are a pile of solo performers and small acts bouncing between the small acoustic outdoor stages and the amplified mainstage. The Mint Juleps, Monkeybar, Cowjazz Billionaires, Derek Nyberg, Julia Spitale and Shera Kelly, John Cullen, Jonny Paul, Johnny Scoop, Jordan Lyric, David Shurvell, Anni deGroot, Bad Oldesloe... AND MORE! To that list you can add not only the Creaking Planks, but also our mandolinist Daisy Jones-Locher (with Ludwika LePearl on cello) and Blackbox Squeezebeard (with his new beard the squeeziest it's been in some five years!) performing solo sets sometime within our compressed timeframe of 3-6 pm. There might be multiples! We, uh, we don't know yet when or where we'll be playing, but will update this page when it's finally confirmed.

The poster is by polymaths Jordan Lyric, who in addition to appearing on the bill also appeared in this very blog seven years ago (his comic strip appears at the very bottom). In case we don't manage to get the site updated in time to be useful, for breaking news and last-minute details you can check out the Facebook event for the block party. Cheers! (PS, thanks to the Bike Smut people for having us back for a zany intersection from even further back than Jordan's, opening on short notice for the July 23rd screening at the Rio! It was, well, it was really what it was.)

2015-05-02: May Day Info Fair at Grandview Park!

In an anarchic display of spontaneous unfolding, we have been engaged to perform at a free open-air info fair from 1-4 pm at Commercial Drive's Grandview Park Saturday, May 2nd, in celebration of the international workers' holiday the day before. Hosted by Audrey Siegl, the bill should include the fabulous Carnival Band, Gross Domestic Product, and voices in harmony from the Left Coast Labour Chorus and the Solidarity Notes Labour Choir.

2015-04-17: CFRO Co-Op Radio’s 40th Birthday party at the WISE Hall!

Our band has only just turned 10, but CFRO Co-op Community Radio, parent station to our kindred spirits at Accordion Noir, turns 40 this year! It's been, uh, quite a while since they last had a party, so they've pulled out all the stops with a bevy of special guests curated by all the stations' programs, all building up to... a headlining set by the jug band of the damned (that's us), beginning at midnight sharp!

The party goes down at the WISE Hall (1882 Adanac Street at Victoria), also features a set by Purple Soul (and a variety show segment featuring, well, a cast of thousands: tag cloud -- "Adam Farnsworth, anniversary, CFRO, Chelsea Rooney, Chris Suen, Homegoing Brass Band, Jillian Christmas, Kenan Sungur, Mama Rude Gal, Mike Zinger, Purple Soul, R.C. Weslowski, Ramon Flores Trovador, Roots Roundup, Royal Aloha Monday Orchestra, Steve Bowell, Suzette Amaya, WISE Hall"), and begins with a mixer at 7 pm -- performances at 8:30. (Do you think there will be a DJ? There will probably be 50 of them!)

Advance tickets for station members are $10, available at Highlife, Red Cat Records, at The Wise Hall & Lounge, online, and of course at the radio station. (Prices will increase a little at the door, and a little more for non-members.)

If you need more convincing, here's an official PSA made by the station in which we are described as a "dorkestra". (This is why you generally try to provide your own promotional copy.) Just make sure they spell our name right!

2015-04-10: Gypsy Spring at the Waldorf!

I know, it's strange -- no one designs posters anymore, just Facebook event headers.

Due to a medical emergency, the Planks' set at last month's Balkan Beats party on March 6th was postponed. The good news is that we're all tip-top now and ready to return to the stage for a distinctly Royshiker Krokves set (think Old Country and European points further East) at the next of their parties at the Waldorf (1489 E. Hastings.) Also on the bill: Adam Shaikh and the Burinata Duo, plus visuals by VJ Simon Kinotropy! The show starts at 10 pm, $15 at the door!

2015-03-25: at Skinny Fat Jack’s

Next Wednesday night -- one week from tonight! -- a small but tight and dedicated cadre of Creaking Planks will be taking to the Very Small Stage at Skinny Fat Jack's, around the back alley entrance of 3475 Main St., to play a few sets of their committed musical strangeness. The action starts around 8 pm and will run probably about as late as the neighbourhood will allow. Admission by donation, but suggested donation $10 -- and don't miss out on the sweet opportunity to pick up a dashing Creaking Planks t-shirt at a discounted live-music-fan price!

And don't forget you can double your pleasure with dinner and drinks at Slickity Jim's Chat & Chew around front before the show!

Thanks to Mike Chow for providing the swell photograph we so ham-handedly bowdlerized!

2015-02-13: Creaking Planks T-Shirts

We now have Creaking Planks T-shirts available for sale to the general public! If you are impulsive you can buy a shirt (or 2, or 3) here.  If, however, you prefer to research products extensively and/or enjoy purple prose, keep on reading... What Do You Need To Know About The Shirts?

• For the time being, they are only available in one colour scheme: white ink on black shirt. Sorry, friends: octopus ink. That's just how it goes.
• The T-shirts are sourced from Fruit of the Loom: less ethically produced than American Apparel, but with less flamboyantly problematic baggage. They have been holding up well in band members' trial wearings and washings (note: accordion bellows friction will rub the design away), so if you insist on distressed band t-shirts, you may have to distress them yourself. (May I recommend the -- distressing! -- William S. Burroughs technique?)
• Sizes available: S, M, L, XL -- men's and now women's cuts, please specify! We have been asked about babies' onesies and are considering the option; please let us know if there are any shapes, sizes and styles of garment you feel we have unfairly excluded. (Please note: this design will not fit on a thong. No tentacles there, no box squeezing, and certainly no organ grinding.)
• The price is $15 for a shirt, plus shipping. Shipping within Canada or to the US is $10 per shirt (different countries, but by Canada Post logic...about the same amount) and to Europe... ehh, we can work something out.
• How are you supposed to pay for it? PayPal! or if you don't have that, contact us, we'll work something out. Like an octopus, we're flexible! (Well, OK, not that flexible.)
• In Vancouver, they're currently available at Spartacus Books (3378 Findlay Street), but if you know of a shop that needs to carry some of our shirts, we obviously need to know about it! Currently our fabulous Creaking Planks t-shirts are not carried in any other brick & mortar storefront. (Or our buttons, for that matter. Or, heck, our music. Genuine Creaking Planks™ however are available for purchase anywhere lumber is sold!)

SpongeDev SquarePlanks demonstrates this season's fashionable garment sensation!

And now... The Pitch:

Some pairings are eternal classics just waiting to be discovered. Like balsamic vinegar with strawberries, taxidermied trophy fish with Al Green, and politicians' faces with pies, from the moment they are first combined one reels in shock that the ecstasy of their meeting has been unfairly denied to past generations. Another of these fundamental pairings unjustly denied our ancestors: octopi and accordions. Prior to 1829, there simply were no squeezeboxes to juxtapose molluscs with, and even since then, one being an aerophone and the other aquatic... their paths have rarely crossed, belonging to different worlds. But in this brave, strange postmodern world, the lid has been blown off of Pandora's box, and there at the bottom, intrepid artists have discovered a consortium of octopodes entwined with button-boxes, pumping away at Piazzolla tangos in a passionate cloud of inky Oblivion. (And Hope. They also found a very small quantity of Hope at the bottom of the box, stuck to an octopus' beak like a wad of chewed gum. At least, I think that was hope... maybe it was ambergris?)

Making up for lost time, visual artists and graphic designers (thanks, Simon Warner, Doc Colour, Bethany Hockenberry, Andrew Schnoor, Amber Lamb, Kirsten Beneke and more!) are combining these two disparate elements as though the clock was ticking, like their subject might suddenly fall out of fashion. (But we know, of course, that the accordion is rebounding from strength to strength after its 50 years in free-fall, so ... are the 8-armed invertebrates in any risk of shedding their eternal appeal? You tell me: optimised for their niche, they have been evolutionarily stable for 95 million years, yawning during the disappearances of the dinosaurs and the dodo.) As you may recall, we recently (Jan '15) printed a run of handsome t-shirts perhaps epitomizing this appealing, absurd juxtaposition, the accordionic octopus. The art was made by our very own Daisy-Jones Locher to be used on the poster for our 7th anniversary concert, and though we always knew it was destined to end up on a t-shirt, realizing this manifest destiny took somewhat longer than we'd anticipated. They were available for sale exclusively at our 10th anniversary concert, and though we sold a bunch ... the quantity of shirts printed was in excess of the venue's capacity, so since nobody bought multiple shirts, we do have a few remaining in every size. We will still be carting around a limited selection of shirts to our upcoming gigs for fans to purchase directly from us, but in the meantime we are also officially opening ourselves up to orders for delivery via Canada Post. (If you hurry, they may still be able to deliver to your door!) Accordion Octopus T-shirt Trivia: the accordion is upside-down! You know what, the octopus really doesn't care. That's actually the way that Blackbox first learned (well, taught himself) to play the squeezebox, only correcting himself after seeing an accordion played in the proper position on TV -- an option this octopus presumably doesn't have! Anyhow, existing technique and posture for accordion playing assumes a vertebral torso and only two digited limbs; with eight tentacles to work with, octopus accordion style is far more versatile than the B or even C system. Forget bellows shake; this bad mother will tear the bellows right in half! More Trivia: wouldn't it be bubbling if air was being squeezed out of it underwater? Maybe it is filled with water, underwater, ruining the bellows and rusting the reeds. (And where will an underwater octopus find a rig to melt more beeswax with which to repair the reeds? Oh, don't trouble yourself.) Maybe the octopus is aboveground, holding its breath while it squeezes out a merry jig on a bather's unattended instrument. Or maybe the octopus is like Grace Jones (what, you want me to qualify that comparison?) and is merely posing with the accordion, pretending to play it. Maybe. In conclusion, now you can go ahead and buy a shirt.