2013-01-24: Creaking Planks 8th anniversary show at the Railway!

Thursday January 24 2013

The Creaking Planks' 8th anniversary extravaganza with guests The Myrtle Family Band and The Legion Of Flying Monkeys Horn Orchestra

Doors at 8:30 pm. Cover: $8

For eight years now the jug band of the damned has been celebrated for its consummate deception, pulling out old-timey instruments and using them to improve on the most indispensibly disposable tunes of the 20th century. Steady on, lads! The Creaking Planks bring the sour mash to the mash-up at the down-home hoe-down. Now say that three times fast!

Two fellow acts join us on this august occasion:

Fire-Man puts the wind in the wood, and the fire in that wind. Sculpting an orchestra of demented Dr. Seuss horns wasn't enough for him; he had to also reproduce -- and then exceed! -- the sound of what that looks like. Thus, the Legion of Flying Monkeys Horn Orchestra.

The members of the Myrtle Family Band are bound by a tie thicker than blood. Those mysterious Myrtle Sisters boil down a thick, juicy slice of Americana to a potent syrup both sweet and salty, then apply it judiciously.

2012-12-14: SFU IT Services Holiday party -- and Sex Elf!

Our one December show was a blast, folks! Thanks to Blake, we opened up with some blisteringly dub-tastic klezmer (so as to make this the most Jewish Christmas since the first one!) and studiously ignored (even abandoning our own seasonal carol, Never Give A Puppy For Christmas, despite rehearsing it!) the reason for the season (that being... the Oppan Gangnam Style dance-off for the iTunes gift card, right?)

At least, until our closing number... a holiday reworking of Soft Cell's classic, Planks B-list stalwart "Sex Dwarf". But just in time for the holidays, refashioned into "Sex Elf":

Isn't it nice? Cider and spice...
Luring naughty children to a land of ice!

I could make a trip, and follow a star...
You'd be a natural the way you are.
I would like you on a candy cane;
I would parade you down Santa Claus Lane!
You've got the attraction, you've got the pull power;
Walk my little angel, walk my little sex elf...
We could make a scene, we'd be a team;
Singing the carols sounds like a dream.
When we hit the roof you just watch them move aside;
We will take them for a ride all right.
They all love your miniature ways --
You know what they say about small...

Sex elf!

I'm in my bobsled -- look, it's so huge!
It's big and it's gold with my dumb reindeer...
Looking to procure (... run little snowman!) Lure naughty children!
Run, my little sex elf, I feel so lonely!
Get my little workbench, make a nutcracker...
Sex elf, in a gold sled,
Making it with the dumb reindeer.

Isn't it nice? Cider and spice...
Luring naughty children to a land of ice!
Sex elf, isn't it nice?
Luring naughty children to a land of ice?

We can make an outfit for my little sex elf,
To match the gold sled and my dumb reindeer.
We'll all look so good we'll knock 'em cold --
Knocking 'em cold with myrrh and gold!
We can have playtime in my little workshop:
Naughty children, my sex elf,
And my dumb reindeer.

I would like you on a candy cane,
You can bring me down to Snowball Lane.
Sex elf, isn't it nice?
Luring naughty children to a land of ice!
Sex elf, isn't it nice?
Luring naughty children to a land of ice!

And that's got to be just about the strangest thing you'll hear until our next gig, our fabulous 8th anniversary show at the Railway Club coming up January 24th with the Legion of Flying Monkeys! But more about that soon...