2015-01-16: the Creaking Planks’ 10th anniversary extravaganza!

Our first anniversary went entirely unnoticed. Our second, likewise. By the time we had reached our third anniversary, we'd seen fellow traveller acts throw in the towel and several of the vital musical venues who had given us our first struts and frets upon the stage closing their doors, launching under new management or (worst of all) changing format to exclude live music in favour of MMA on numerous big-screen TVs. We felt we had achieved something merely by hanging in there and keeping on keeping on. Our third anniversary was an occasion worth celebrating, and celebrate we did (well, tried our hardest to), with a star-studded cabaret at the Western Front, one of the first posts on our blog here -- before which, we tracked our gigs on MySpace and on a long-extinct bespoke Geocities page. (Geocities? I know, Internet time moves so quickly, it's hard to believe music existed at all back then. We liked to bang rocks together and hit tanned animal skins with Smilodon tusks of different lengths.)

Now we are ten. We have been a going concern for over three times as long as that naive band of three, excited to be invited to play on the radio and basically trying to trick people into giving us opportunities to play for free as many nights a week as possible. We've played individual gigs whose fees have netted us as much dosh as entire years of playing for exposure got us; we have flown on airplanes to perform at festivals in other countries we never even applied to appear at. We have gone into studios to make recordings and then forgot about them. The level of success we have achieved has exceeded any heights we might ever have reasonably expected to reach with our improbable format, and yet, not a single one of our dozen-odd members is able to make a living in Vancouver making music. It's a funny, contradictory existence, to be true.

Whatever other beats we have and haven't been able to hit (gonged off stage: check; provided soundtrack for a live sex show: check; played on the soundtrack to the video game World of Goo: almost, but didn't quite happen), one constant for the last several years has been that we've had at least one show annually where we get to have it our way, on our terms -- to play on a bill stacked with acts we will enjoy, getting to pick our set times to accommodate our numerous twisted schedules. To wit: our anniversary show. Members turn up out of the woodwork to play just this one show all year round. We expect to be playing with 4 Planks and end up performing with 11, thereby kiboshing any chance of performing any material picked up since the previous anniversary show! We know that whatever we earn will end up as bus fare when split a dozen ways, so we ensure that we are paid amply in the only other currency with any weight to the unruly band of loose cannon musicians: fun.

For the first few years we were too scattered in our neurotic attempts to give away all the music as often as possible to worry about occasions on which to have shows that were guaranteed to be good, and for the first five years, that 3rd anniversary was the only one we celebrated. (It gave all anniversary celebrations overall somewhat of a bad aftertaste in our collective mouths, but eventually we learned to love again.) For the second five years, it has been mandatory: we had great, fun shows for our sixth anniversary, our seventh, our eighth, ninth and now, coming up next... the tenth anniversary of our first gig... to be our greatest, most fun anniversary show yet?

And now, apropos of nothing, I'd like to casually drop in a random photograph that assuredly has nothing to do with anything I'm talking about:

Here are the vital details you will need to know:

Accordion Noir presents
the jug band of the damned
Friday, January 16th, 8 pm
THE CREAKING PLANKS
10th anniversary extravaganza

plus Ehren Salazar,
Al Mader, the Minimalist Jug Band,
Der Royshiker Krokves,
magic by Travis
and special guests!

at The Emerald (555 Gore Avenue)
Admission $10 (for ten years!)

Bring at least a $20 bill along, because for the first time anywhere, we will also be selling Creaking Planks T-shirts featuring the poster artwork from our 7th anniversary concert, at very competitive prices.

What more is there to say?

...

Greetings to the Plank Nation! The time is nigh upon us! Tomorrow night, Friday, January 15th, we celebrate the 10th anniversary of our first meeting at the inaugural performance of the Creaking Planks at the Western Front's "raw and cooked" showcase curated by Sarah Macdougall, along with Chrystalene Buhler, Joanna Chapman-Smith, and the freak performance poetry revue "That's My Brain... And You're KILLING It!" There the Planking of Ole and Heather -- "a droney song, a noisy song, a short improv; all with a touch of pirate" -- met Rowan's arrangement of Al Mader's "I'm A Lousy Lay" ... and the rest was, if not exactly history, ten years of occasionally-inspired obscurity. We celebrated the decade-long musical experiment on the Accordion Noir radio program last night, featuring a series of rare recordings and concert bootlegs from various nadirs and zeniths of our varied history, and you can enjoy them as well... by following that link. We'll be breaking into the vault of time and playing a few similar selections from our vast back catalogue Friday night. So, you know that it's all going down at the Emerald, right? 555 Gore, upstairs at the site of the old dim sum restaurant the New Diamond? Here, perhaps the poster that Ehren Salazar designed will help to cement the details in your memory:

That's right: not just the Creaking Planks, but also their Jewish wedding band klezmorim alter egos Der Royshiker Krokves opening! The prime mover Al Mader, the Minimalist Jug Band! New tunes from Victoria's newly electrified improvised genius, Ehren Salazar! Plus a set of magical tricks from Travis, gosh wow! Ten dollars (for ten years) -- two dollars per act -- is basically a criminally undercharged rate, and audience members will be getting away with, well, a very good deal. Speaking of good deals... do you like accordions? Of course you do! Do you like octopuses? Duh! Why not both at the same time! "You got your octopus in my accordion!" "You got your accordion in my octopus!" "Heey...."

"...NOT BAD!" But wait, this is a pointless digression!

That's more like it. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, for the low, low price of another ten dollars, you could go home wearing this -- the first in what will assuredly be a long, long line of Creaking Planks fashions. This t-shirt is from the fabulous 7th anniversary poster design by Daisy Jones-Locher. No longer need you wear the tattered poster! Spare yourself the paper cuts! But that's not all... for further whimsical and otherwise-unavailable goods that will be sold at our concert, read on!

That's right, it's the 2015 edition of Renee de la Prade's long-running Accordion Babes cheesecake pin-up calendar/album. We're not represented therein, as the "Accordion Dudes" beefcake calendar has had a long and bumpy trip getting off the ground, but we are great friends with the Babes and run on similar wavelengths as their strange sensibilities. Each month's babe is represented by a track on the accompanying CD album, so you can buy it to listen to and then later on you can pull out the magnifying glass to better examine which make and model of squeezebox each babe is rocking. A handful of these will be for sale for $20 a piece, and we can guarantee you won't find them in any store in town. Only in the strange chaos bubble surrounding the Planks do these bizarre alternate worlds manifest. See you there!

2010-11-28: Creaking Planks at Cafe Montmartre

While we made some improbable new Portland friends at last month's Montmartre gig, we thought that we might like to stack the deck a bit and power-load the evening with an old friend -- Little Mountain Gallery arts godfather (which we'll in turn be shilling for Dec 10th at the Rickshaw) and incomparable comedic musical improviser Ehren Salazar. (4362 Main Street at 28th, by donation, 8-11 pm.)

2010-05-27: Planks close Cabaret of Wonders

Back to the Little Mountain Gallery (195 E. 26th) for the second time this month, this time for a considerably more substantial bill -- hark, hark, the Cabaret of Wonders has come to town! This concerted return to vaudeville was spearheaded by our magical slide guitar player Dr. Steelhand and will feature the many improbable talents of, we are told...

• The incredible juggling and clown of Flying Not Falling!
• Scorching hot burlesque from 2009 Burlesque Hall of Fame Best Debut winner Melody Mangler!
• Musical hilarity from the legendary Ehren Salazar!
• Sideshow stunt brilliance from Sean Covernton!
• Mind reading by the unbelievable Dave Moses!
• Magic from Master of Ceremonies, Travis Bernhardt!

as well as a solo set from our own Blackbox Squeezebeard and a closing set from the jug band of the damned, the Creaking Planks!

Tickets at the door are a bafflingly low $15, $12 if reserved in advance!

2009-10-04: Creaking Planks play the LMG during the Drift

The annual Drift Main Street artwalk has come upon us and with it, a good excuse for visiting our old haunt the Little Mountain Gallery (195 E. 26th, formerly Little Mountain Studios) to play an afterparty of sorts. And who better to play with than our cronies in Mezamazing, last seen provoking a police visit at the Accordion Noir Festival launch party? Where everything is forbidden, everything must be permitted. Joining us, when he is not up the street at Cafe Montmartre, will be LMG honcho Ehren Salazar.  The show is likely to run from 8-11 pm ish.

2009-07-25: Creaking Planks close the Hidden Agenda #25 Variety Show Spectacular

We've been scattered in recovery from our trip to Vancouver Island at the end of June (expect a recap post soon!), but in honour of another visit from Becky Johnson of Sweetie Pie Press, EC Salazar and the goons of the Little Mountain Studios (195 E. 26th Avenue at Main) have gotten together with us to put on another program of mixed nuts including:

* Dave Shumka
* Ryan Beil
* Officer Mazaltoff, The Beat Cop Poet
* the charming crafty wares of Sweetie Pie Press
* and Unflattering Portraits by Reverend Aitor (by donation)

All that plus a closing set from the jug band of the damned, in what has practically been our only show together since the month began! Suggested donation $5.

2009-04-04: Blackbox Squeezebeard's April Ship of Fools birthday celebration at Cafe Montmartre

As an experiment into filling a whole night at Cafe Montmartre (4362 Main Street at 28th Avenue) with varied textures of performance from members of our multifarious crew and extended family, the Creaking Planks celebrate Blackbox Squeezebeard entering into his fourth decade with the April (Ship of) Fools Variety Show from 8 pm through "late" (past midnight!) Saturday, April 4th. Performances will include magic from Travis, interstitial improvisation and ukulele from Ehren Salazar and John Barbour, new music from familiar faces Paul Hendriks (aka the Rev. Lucian Rumblebucket), possibly demonstrating his banjo aptitude, and Eryn Holbrook (aka Daisy Jones-Locher -- who worked a wonderful whimsical adaptation of Hieronymus Bosch's "Ship of Fools" into the show's poster!) contributing a solo set a couple of months earlier than usual, sharing her voice-and-keys songwriting not much heard since the days of her Perpetual Dream Theory project. Also joining us will be a very special set from washtub bass outsider Al Mader, the Minimalist Jug Band, and of course a couple of sets of Creaking Planks creaking and planking.

At Montmartre we play for tips, but we anticipate your generosity in support of this jam-packed night and its auspicious occasion.

Edit: phew! What a night! Check out VanCityMike's gallery of shots from the variety show up on Flickr!

2009-03-17: Planks help restore Hidden Agenda to its native habitat

Licking its hard-earned wounds from the recent critical success at the Waterfront Theatre, the series resumes at the Little Mountain Studios (195 E. 26th at Main) presenting its varied music and comedy variety show, now on a monthly basis.

Acts this time around include the Planks, Stick Twigs, the unique improvised musical stylings of host EC Salazar, & more acts to be announced...

Salazar intones fatefully: "there may very well be multi colored balloons."

2009-02-13: HIDDEN AGENDA Variety Show at the Waterfront Theatre

Last month we bore witness to a surprising revival of a long-dormant variety show series, Ehren Salazar's HIDDEN AGENDA, resurrected on three days' notice as a benefit for our old pal Becky of Sweetie Pie Press.  Formerly the series largely took place at Wink, with sporadic upswellings at the Butchershop Floor and, later, its scion the Little Mountain Studios.  Not this time, though.  We've decided to shoot for the stars and take advantage of a good price on one of Vancouver's classic rooms, booting the event right out of the LMS backroom and booking the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island (1412 Cartwright Street).

And what will we be presenting at that theatre, well you might ask?  Not only is Aaron Read joined by the Sunday Service's genuises of comic improv, not only will Anna Vandas be making sweet music, NOT ONLY are the Creaking Planks also on board... but the event will also be featuring screenings from 2008's Animatron festival of animation.  All that plus handy hosting by Ehren "Monster Dinosaur" Salazar and, who knows, perhaps some special guests.

Doors are at 7:30, with the show beginning promptly at 8 pm; admission is $12 at the door or $10 with a food bank donation.

2009-01-03: Planks and Friends at the Little Mountain Studios!

We haven't played a show with our Victorian friend Natasha Enquist since the Accordion Noir festival four months ago, but her luscious leiderhosen made a compelling case for welcoming her back to town.  Besides, she sat in the front row when we played the Solstice, so we owe it to her to make her feel welcome.  Similarly, with some false alarms accounted for it's been a while since we last played the Little Mountain Studios (almost seven months! can it truly be?  unprecedented!), but perhaps the absence will make our return to our first "house band" assignment all the sweeter.  And how better to cinch the deal than draw on our renaissance man of the arts, Ehren Salazar, improvisatory master of every medium he sets himself to.  (Need we remind you of the thrilling account of the reverse zamboni?)  All that plus we hope to fool Dr. Steelhand into bringing out the cards and coins again for some legerdemain and fine trickery, and it can be yours for a suggested five dollar donation to help us float Natasha out with her squeezebox.  (For a sneak preview, catch her the night of Friday the 2nd from 9:30-10:30 pm on Accordion Noir at CFRO 102.7 fm!)

Nice photo, eh? It's by Samantha King!

Edit: arguably our best LMS performance ever, despite virtually no PA and the bitter end of Vancouver's surprise winter weather (the LMS formerly being a butcher's shop, the back area is actually designed precisely for making meat cold; in any case, the hoary frost kept Daisy Jones-Locher away, but otherwise it was a nice Planks reunion to get the year off to a good start) -- we filled every chair in the place and all the acts were well-received, with special audience guests the Mezamazing crew who we hope to join us on stage there in a few months.

Calgary visitor Sean handily took a photo of the proceedings, the space still decked up for the holidays. Can you spot the new member?

Sean took a photo of the Planks in full array

What's more, Cap'n Jack Spareribs posted a live video from the concert of Natasha playing the old Russian standard "Dark Eyes" or Ochi chyornye ... and Planks Lee Shoal and Wyoming Johnny cutting a rug to it!

and one last pic for the road!

2008-06-07: 6⋅7⋅8 ⋅ a night of musical numbers

We played tag for a year and a half trying to get Eryn Holbrook (occasionally aka Daisy Jones-Locher) a gig at the Butchershop Floor, and then when we finally had it clinched, the space closed down.  But because it is the only way for us to get a chance to hear her compositions on voice and keyboard, we put together another show for her (and us) at the Annex for last year's Music Waste festival -- also the first Plankian appearance of (ir)regular Peg-Leg Right-Eye Ryan!  A year later we had a hankering to hear her stuff again, and so we bring it full circle back to the Little Mountain Studios, on the site of the old Butchershop, at 195 E. 26th (at Main), for a night of musical numbers. Hosting the proceedings is LMS proprietor Ehren "Monsterdinosaur" Salazar, doubtlessly regaling us with tales and tunes of ages so bygone they haven't happened yet.  Also on deck is a magic show from our own Dr. Steelhand of the slide guitar!  Doors at 8, $3 cover.  Sure to be one of our most charming summer evenings yet!

2008-03-07: Planks at Little Mountain Studios

Courtesy of the illustrious history of the Butchershop Floor gallery that formerly occupied the space, the Creaking Planks have maintained fairly chummy relations with the Little Mountain Studios that assumed its lease... not least due to sporadically guitarrón-slinging Scruffy Bigbass' participation in both organizations. Though it's a tradition that, as recently remarked upon, has been disrupted for a while, we've long been considered the "house band" for exhibition openings, and have enjoyed on-again-off-again "residency" (which is fancy musician jargon for free practice space that the public can drop in on.) In addition to the openings in the front-of-house, with the back vacated by the improv pioneers the staff have been occasionally curating small music shows in the back studio.

This Friday, you get both: "The Danger of Disappearing" opens, featuring new drawings by “This is the story about how everything got ruined” auteur Erik Lyon, plus a concert around back featuring the SSRIs, Russian Words and Emmett Hall. Hymn For Her fell off the bill, and proprietor Ehren Salazar was invited to occupy the vacuum; he in turn invited us to join him in helping to fill that space with glorious sound. We may be playing the opening up front; we may be playing the concert around back; we may be playing both! (but likely not at the same time... unless we straddle the middle and broadcast in both directions simultaneously.) However it goes down, we'll be on relatively early -- think 8 pm -- to give Blackbox Squeezebeard time to hustle down to Natasha Enquist's star turn on the International Women's Day episode of Accordion Noir at 9:30 pm.

Find attached two pictures, one of Erik's new work, and one of the original concert poster before we sinisterly replaced Hymn For Her: